time

Clearly, I have not updated in a very long time. It's been too long if you ask me. And the thing about time these days is that there never seems to be enough of it. Never enough time to talk to all the people that I love, to get ahead on the thousands of assignments, to read all the blogs I wish I could, to taste all the tea at the coffee shop, to wash my laundry (don't tell my mom), to mail the encouragement letter that I've been meaning to for the past three weeks, to listen to the music that had once graced my ears, or to make a visit home.

I stink at prioritizing. Returning from my summer, that's something I've been working on. Giving priority to those things that matter, and leaving the things that don't for a day when I have lots of spare time. Sometimes I succeed, and other days I seem to accomplish nothing. Regardless of how I spend my days, whether productive or not, I find myself making comments that speak of how fast time passes.

Tonight in my class, my professor mentioned something about these comments. He spoke about how amazing it was that we have the ability to realize that time passes so quickly. The fact that we realize that we don't have enough time for everything and that the balance of it isn't always right in our lives, proves that we were created for something greater. We were created for eternity, where there will be no time to keep track of and where I won't have a checklist of things I need to get done in 24 hours.

It's true. If we were supposed to be alright with it, then we wouldn't be questioning time, or complaining how there isn't enough of it. Think of it this way, I doubt that a fish speaks about wetness of water. That's all it knows. A fish was created to live in the water so it doesn't ask questions. I wasn't created for this Earth, I was created for Eternity. I've been reminded of that truth tons lately. It seems to be lesson I'm learning everyday. I like learning this, because it reminds me that I was created for something greater than this world. This old world, is not my home, nor will it ever be.

a new look

I had this great idea to update more often upon arriving home. I figured since internet would be better, I would be better at blogging. Turns out, my blogging patterns have nothing to do with the internet. Just a warning, don’t believe that lie next time I tell it.
If you are one of the two people I know that regularly check my Blog (Amber & Dad), then you’ve probably noticed these few new changes right away. No worries, I promise it’s the same Bethy, but with a different setup. Don't panic Dad.

this doesn't seem real

I knew this day would come eventually. It's here, and I don't like it very much. In just about an hour I'll be leaving for the airport to catch my flight back to the States. It's strange to think about really, but this feels like home. It's as if I am only going to be in the States for a few months and return. I wish that was the case. I've been here for just under three months so saying goodbyes hasn't been the easiest. Don't get me wrong, I am SO excited to be home and see all the faces that I've missed this summer. I just don't want to leave the faces here behind. Leaving them here would be impossible after the imprints they've placed on my heart this summer.

I forget what home in the States is like, but I'm coming! :)

obedience

I wish obeying was as easy as brushing teeth. It's not.

I've just finished reading through Matthew, and I've taken some obedience lessons from Jesus. He makes it seem so simple by never disobeying; if only it was.

He gets baptized by his cousin John to "fulfill all righteousness"(Matt 3:15), and as he rises from the water a voice from heaven said "'This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased'" (Matt 3:17) Please note that God the Father was not just pleased, but He was well pleased. Immediately after he was baptized, Jesus was tested in the wilderness. I find it interesting that scripture says that he was "led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil"(Matthew 4:1) Let me be honest, I would never willingly go into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil, would you?! Jesus then proceeds to fast for forty days and forty nights before being tempted by Satan. Still, being secluded and without food, Jesus obeys as he is tempted. Jesus knows that in Deut. 6:13, we are told to " Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only." Jesus does just that as he resists the temptations that are presented before him while reciting scripture. Jesus knew that it He could not try to be obedient by his own strength, but instead used the teachings and the Spirit to guide him as he fought to be obedient. I could continue through all of Matthew and follow how Jesus was obedient, but instead I'll share a song that I believes sums it up pretty well. It's by Brian and Jenn Johnson, and it's called 'Where You Go I Go"

Where You go I go
What You say I say
And what You pray I pray
And what You pray I pray

Where You go I go
What You say I say God
And what You pray I pray

Cause Jesus only did what He saw You do
And He would only say what He heard You speak
And He would only move when He felt You lead
Following Your heart following Your Spirit

So how could I expect to walk without You
When every made that Jesus made was in surrender
I will not begin to live without You
For You alone are worthy and You alone are good

I think it's quite obvious that Jesus only did what God led him to do. John 5:19-20 reads, "Very truly I tell you, the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does. For the Father loves the Son and him all he does. Yes, and he will show him even greater works than these, so that you will be amazed." Just think about that verse aligned with everything Jesus did. It's pretty insane to think about putting that in practice and living it out in my everyday life. It means total surrender of my life, more specifically my time, money, relationships, words, thoughts, and so much more. It means not second guessing, but faithfully following God, knowing that obedience could very well lead me to a situation like Jesus with the cross. It could end ugly.

I believe a broader picture is placed on practicing obedience, as in aiming and planning to practice obedience in the future, not in the here and the now. When I start trying to plan, I miss the opportunities to surrender, obey, and follow His will today.

I want to leave you with a passage that continually intrigues me. The passage is Matthew 26:36-46 and takes place in the Garden of Gethsemane. Jesus goes with his disciples, and once there, distances himself to pray, asking that they do they same and keep watch. Jesus' heart was heavy, " Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, 'My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will'"(Matt. 26: 39). He not only prays this once, but again saying, "My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it,may your will be done"(Matt. 26:42). I believe that this is quite possibly the most beautiful thing that I have ever read. You see, it is clear that Jesus was asking that what was about to be done to him be removed from his future. He would have rather something else. Ultimately, living a complete life of obedience, Jesus followed God's will. It lead him to the cross.

All I can do is live today by choosing God's will for my life and surrendering my own. I don't know what He has planned for my life, but today I am choosing to obey His plans, His words, and His will rather than my own.

As I am to live obediently each day, this is what I'll cling to:

Matthew 22: 37-39 "' Love the Lord your God with all you heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself.'"


This is only the beginning.

Jungle Gibberish

The Gabonese are beautiful. I'm been consumed with that thought lately. I hope that doesn't sound creepy because it's not intended to be. It's just me realizing that everyone is created in the same image of our God. It's a wonderful and insane thought at the same time. It's not only their faces that are beautiful, but their hospitality, openness, and sincerity. Lately, I've been gathering all the memories of faces I can and taking tons of mental pictures. Yes, I'm taking real pictures too, but somehow all the pictures I'm taking don't seem to express or capture exactly what I'm experiencing.

With that thought, I have also been reminded that God longs for their hearts. It's as if He has been whispering into my ear saying, “They're mine”. God desires their hearts just as He desired and still desires mine. He wants their lives to sing of His glory. He wants their words to speak His truth. He wants their hearts to be His home. And He won't relent until he has it ALL.

No one is beyond redemption. Christ died for us all. He desires us all the same. He pursues, he chases, and he never relents.

I can't tell you how much the above thoughts have been on my mind recently. It's a beautiful thing that we are all on the same playing field and Christ desires us all the same. It's even more beautiful that he wants us in our brokenness, just as we are. It blows my mind.

Currently, I am in Bongolo. A group of fourteen of us made the twelve hour trip on Tuesday. With only two flat tires on the vehicles and the trunk popping open while driving speedily on a dirt road, we made it here safely. We are doing work projects for the Hospital in the morning and hanging out in the afternoons. Some of the girls went into the nearest town today, La Bamba. I still don't believe that I am in Africa most days as it seems unreal and impossible. Walking in the African village today just didn't seem real so I had to stop and pinch myself. I have times when I experience that reality but then in the next moment it seems as though I have been here forever, and that I could continue this forever.

However, I won't be staying here forever (not this time at least). Home is getting closer, and I am not liking the idea of leaving any more as it gets closer. I'm overwhelmed by the thought that I'll have to leave all the beautiful faces and this lifestyle in just about three weeks. I try not to think about that often.

As I'm typing this, I hear the beautiful sound of my brothers and sisters singing out praise to our Father. This is a common occurrence amongst our family and it's the simple things like this that I won't be able to get enough of in the coming weeks. I'm soaking in every moment and I can't wait to share once I return. Granted, it might take a while to get out and it might not come quick enough as some of you would like, but it will come. So be ready to bear with me. :)

mud pies

One of my favorite childhood memories is making mud pies in the backyard. Did you know that Mom and Dad?! I used to love pouring water from a toy thermal water bottle over the dirt and mixing it all up in a large bowl. When the mixture was just right, I added all the necessary ingredients(all dirt of course),and it was then time to pour it into tin pie pans, slice, and serve. Turns out, playing with mud is still one of my favortie things to do.

This afternoon was spent at the Hope House digging and setting posts (or some fancy construction word) in order that a fence can be made to completely surround the land. As the digging progressed, the dirt became more wet due to the close proximity of a pond. Needless to say, there was TONS of wet dirt. Just like any typical day at the Hope House, Masunda found his spot on my lap. He promptly picked up the mud beside me, smashed it into my hands, and we began to play. We flattened it, smashed it, rounded it, handed some out, tossed the rest, and then started all over again. And then again, and again. Of course, none of the other children could resist their desire to play in mud. With lots of imaginations at work we created ships, houses, turtles, people with mow-hawks, Crosses, and lots of other things. Masunda, who once again was on my lap, took to his favorite pretend job and played street vendor while creating all kinds of desserts. We made mud pies and beignets. When I ran out of mud in my hands it was quickly replaced from a stockpile that was constantly being gathered. I left with dirt in my nails and a nice shade of reddish brown color covering my hands.

My afternoon was spent exactly like it sounds...making mud pies. To be honest, I didn't do much to contribute to the work of setting the post thingys, and I hope that doesn't bother you. A few moths ago it would have bothered me. The longer I spend in Africa, the easier it is to "be". Or maybe it has nothing to do with Africa, and that's just the person I'm becoming ( I'm praying it's this second reason). Truth is, I'm being more and more drawn to the littleness and simplicities of life. I believe that it is even through simplicities such as mud pies, that love can truly be shared.

As Mother Teresa used to say, "We can do no great things, just small things with great love. It is not how much you do, but how much love you put into doing it." By no description did I do any great things today, but instead I found myself doing the teenie weeniest of things and playing in the mud. And if you could have tasted those mud pies, I'm sure you would have tasted an extra ingredient of love from all the bakers.

time to dance

Africans leave lots of space and time for dancing.

A church service is NOT complete without tons of dancing. Dancing is fun, and it is freeing. Everyone dances regardless of whether you think you can. All you have to do is shake your hips and move your feet, don't worry about the rhythm. Sometimes I get pulled up to dance, and other times I do it by choice. Two Sunday's ago has been my favorite dancing experience of all. We went to a service that was held for the Alliance churches in Libreville. It was held in a stadium and it was packed. Tim, who is a Pastor always gets special setting, and this time we did too by association. We were on ground level in Pastor setting, and of course, we get pulled up to dance during worship. So imagine this, a stadium full of Gabonese and the 15 whities dancing as if enough attention is given to us already. The crowd erupted when we began to dance. As I was dancing, I looked up and saw a little old lady, probably around 60, grinning ear to ear, moving her feet to match mine. The greatest thing about that is, she isn't just some little old lady, she is my sister, and one day will be dancing together in Heaven before our Father.

Monday night we enjoyed dinner at Mama Christine's house. Mama Christine is a nurse who helps with the Mobile Medical Clinic and she was gracious enough to have us all over for dinner. Of course, the night was not complete without dancing. As we sat in a circle, everyone took turns leading songs from the middle and demonstrating any motions and dance moves. We danced and sang together as joy overflowed from our hearts.

Not only do the Gabonese like to move, but they like to let the Holy Spirit move. Church services can take hours, and they usually do because the Gabonese will never cut the Holy Spirit out. It is easy to see the Spirit moving here and maybe because that is all I notice when I don't see the planning for service or understand the words that are being shared. In Forgotten God, Francis Chan shares two obstacles that keep me/us from connecting with and allowing the Holy Spirit to move.

1. Comfort. Why do I need the Holy Spirit if I can comfortable? I mean, the Holy Spirit is my Comforter, but if I am already comfortable, I don't need to be comforted by Him. It is only when I am uncomfortable, uncertain, and confused that I need and rely on the Spirit.

2. Volume. Sometimes with all the friends I hangout with, family I keep in touch with, homework I stay on top of, texts I send and receive, music I listen too, and TV shows I try to keep up with, my life is VERY loud. When my life is loud, the Holy Spirit is not the first thing I am listening to. Francis Chan says that " Our lack of intimacy is often due to our refusal to unplug and shut off the communication from all others so we can be alone with Him." When we live loud lives and never remove ourselves to quiet places, the Spirit is less likely to be heard.

My life is loud and comfortable.

"When we are at our wits' end for an answer, then the Holy Spirit can give us a answer. But how can He give us an answer when we are still well supplied with all sorts of answers of our own?" -Karl Bush

I want to be at my wits' end while living a quiet and very comfortable life so that the Holy Spirit can move within me as I live a surrendered life of following Him.

the sound of roosters

Are roosters ever quiet? It doesn't seem like they are here, at all. I fall asleep and wake up to their sounds. Do dogs ever stop barking?? Here, that thought is highly unlikely. They are tons of stray dogs always running around getting into fights with one another. Recently, I tried to go up to a stray puppy to pet it but it was too terrified to let me get close. In that puppy's experience, if I get close to it, it means I am going to beat it. Sad, but very true. Do army men ever stop chanting?? Okay, they do. But their chants are another alarm clock of mine as they run right past the compound in the very early morning. The chants are becoming part of my dreams. Also, do marching bands have a full out practice at seven in the morning?? OF course they do! That's what woke me up this morning. It caught be by surprise.

I hope it doesn't sound like I am complaining, because that's not my goal. These sounds have become apart of my everyday routine here. It's hard to remember the sounds I heard at home as I've been here for five weeks now. I only have a month and a half to go, and that thought is insane to me. While it feels like I've been here forever, the time passes so quickly. So with the time I have left, I'll continue to listen for the sounds that I will soon be missing.

It's amazing what you'll hear if you listen for a second.

I haven't posted recently, and that is because most times I simply don't know what to post about. We do tons, but at times, it feels like I have nothing to share. I guess most of you would read mostly anything I write on here since there is an ocean between us. I do have tons to share with how God is working and the ministries I am involved in. My goal is do a better job with keeping everyone updated. I'm sure it will help both of us when the time comes for me to return home.

Did I mention life is so easy and simple here?? Today I will be spending the day on the beach. I'll aim to post more later.

Happy Father's Day!

Daddy, this one is for you. Happy Father's Day, from your little girl. Sorry I can't be there to celebrate with you and the family, make sure you aren't missing me TOO much. As I write this you guys should be sitting down to eat those Lobster dinners.YUMMY! Hopefully everyone is treating you well today, figuring I am the one who usually keeps everyone in check.

Thank you for being the Father that you are. Thank you for always being yourself, because through that I knew that I never had to pretend to be something I wasn't. Thank you for always encouraging me to follow my heart. That sounds a little cheesy but I knew that if I followed my heart, I didn't have to concern myself with what others were saying. Thank you for teaching me that it's okay to take risks and fail and that my failures are never something to be ashamed of, but rather lessons to be learned.

Remember that you are my favorite Father, and I will always be your little girl. The little girl who loved going to the comic book store with you, who thought it was strange and awesome that you would let me eat ice cream for dinner, the girl who loved driving the big van down the alley on your lap, and the little girl who would pretend to fall asleep on the couch so she could be carried upstairs in the arms of her daddy. I LOVE YOU! Happy Father's Day. :)

ps. I owe you a breakfast when I get home. I'll buy.

I'm not good with titles

Would it be wrong to say that this place feels like home?? It feels like that more everyday. I can honestly say that there is a strong sense of community living with my brothers and sisters. It's insane to think that I didn't know some of them a few weeks ago with how close we are now. The roads we drive on are becoming so familiar. I could probably give you directions to the Hope House. These are my home streets now, and they will be for another eight weeks. And the beautiful faces I get to interact with have quickly stolen my heart and made this feel even more like home.

We endured a bumpy twelve hour trip to Bongolo. I could make that drive sound awful but I won't because it wasn't as all. The purpose of our trip was for it to serve as a team bonding and prayer retreat. While we were there, Tim went over different ministries that we would be able to get involved in this summer. After spending time prayerfully considering where the Lord was leading us, we came together to share. During my quiet time listening last week, I was reminded of the passion Christ has given me for children. You see, I was really hesitant to say the Hope House because I knew that is what I wanted to do, but I wasn't sure it was where God was leading. I was reminded that those children are just as important as any other person I meet, that they belong to Jesus, and that those kids need love just as next as the next person. I don't have much to offer this summer, no special talents or skills, but I can love those kids, so that is what I will be doing. Everyone shared what the Lord was leading them to get involved in and Tim released us from a spirit of 'do' and into a spirit of 'being'. Yep, that's right, Tim and Meredith don't care what tasks we accomplish this summer because they both understand that we are here for a much greater purpose. This summer will never be about the things we are getting done, but it will instead be about the people we are becoming. Sometimes this is harder than other times. It seems easy to not worry about everything that needs to get done sometimes, and let the Holy Spirit work on who HE is transforming me into. Other times, my westernized view of tasks tells me that I need to get a task completed in a certain amount of time or a billion other things won't be able to follow. My job this summer is to be. That is all.

The task of being does NOT mean that I do absolutely nothing. It DOES mean that my focus is not on the tasks, but instead on what God is doing in me and through me. So let me share a little about that. Currently, I am reading Forgotten God by Francis Chan. I have gotten very far in it, but already I am challenged by how much I actually led the Holy Spirit lead in my moment- by- moment life. I have a lot of quiet time here (we aren't TOO busy since we are concentrated on the 'being') to think here. It's all good, but sometimes it's hard, because I know that the Holy Spirit is moving and continuing to break and transform me into who I am in Christ. At home and at school, I ignore those quiet moments and try to avoid them. Let's face it, it sure is easy to avoid what the Spirit is doing. But now I find myself face-to-face with silence and what is happening is beautiful. So I encourage you to set aside the tasks of your day, and just 'be'. 'Be' in the presence of the Lord and let HIM work on who you are meant to 'be'.

In the introduction of Forgotten God, Francis Chan writes, “ The benchmark of success in church services has become more about attendance that the movement of the Holy Spirit.”

I would even go on to revamp that and say that our lives, ( mine included) has become more about success and tasks than the movement of the Holy Spirit. What a tragedy this all is. May we learn to put off all the tasks that keep us from letting the Spirit work, and let our experiences with Him be marked moment-by-moment.

the things that matter

There are about one-hundred and one things I could blog about. Internet connection hasn't been the best, so I haven't had much time to post. We did tons this past week and I am having trouble choosing just one topic to blog about. The good thing is, the ministries that we helped out with this week are those that we will be involved in all summer, so eventually the will all be written about. But right now I am trying to decide if I should write about the work we are doing at the Hope House with laying posts for a gate to be built, the way the Hope House children attach to your hip and want nothing but other than to simply be held (all afternoon), or the church that we are helping to build in a town just outside the city, where the children are the majority of the church and they come and watch and play when we work leaving little time for any work to actually get done. Or I could tell you what a humbling experience it is to work with the Mobile Medical Clinic and see people that are truly sick come for any simple ailment at all. Then there is the baptism that we were blessed to be able to watch as I have never seen the act of baptism be such a time of freedom and celebration.

I could go on and on about the details of all of those ministries and projects. But I choose not to waste both my time and yours, because the truth of it is that those details and projects have little importance when compared to the people behind them. It's all about people. Often, the Westernized view places great importance or finishing the project in the shortest amount of time possible. In Africa, it is just the opposite. Importance is always placed on people, regardless of the task at hand. When you truly live like this, it is freeing. Freeing as everything seems to slip away until the only thing clear is the person standing before you. And in that freedom, the Holy Spirit has more room to move as our own agenda is relinquished. So my summer won't be about work projects, and details that will never matter in the end, instead, my summer will be about relationships. Our investment in relationships is the only thing that is eternal. First, my relationship with Christ is eternal and will always prove to be my greatest investment. And the people I invest in are eternal. If I have the ability to impact a life for Christ by investing and simply interacting with someone, why on earth would it matter how many bricks need to get on the roof per day. Somehow, when people reign with importance in your life, the work will be accomplished. It may not be in your timing, or perfectly the way you need it to be, but it will be finished.

I've been taking pictures, and as much as I would love to show you all of the beautiful faces that I am blessed to be surrounded with this summer, uploading them isn't a fast process.

Today my team and I will spend the day at the beach before we head off to Bongolo tomorrow. The drive is about twelve hours long. The first six hours will be on paved roads, and the last six are on unpaved. We return Saturday as we will spend the week sort of as a prayer retreat and as time to do some team building and continued bonding. Prayer for safety as we travel, unity as we bond as a team, our van which is the biggest way we exercise faith every day, and for our heart, that Christ would continue to open them wide in order that we may have a clear picture of Him as our focus.

Getting Started

Since this is our first week here in Gabon, it's pretty much all orientation. We spent Monday on the beach with a team from Crown College for their last day. It was a pretty easy day to be an intern. Not many locals swim in the ocean as it is a very western practice, so we were the only ones enjoying the water that day. The beach was beautiful and the water was warm. Needless to say, I prefer this side of the Atlantic Ocean a bit more.

Tuesday morning was started off with an orientation. We went over some housekeeping rules and Tim shared a little about what their ministry here in Gabon is centered around. We talked about what people base their significance on and concluded that it was often on awards, accomplishments and a sense of fulfilling their purpose. As Christians, we know our purpose from what I Corinthians 10:31 tells us, “So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.” Regardless of where I find myself in any given moment, my purpose is to bring glory to God, and God alone. Same goes for you.

That sounds pretty simple, and I wish that it was sometimes. Since the fall, three things are competing for our attention within our minds. They are Me, Satan, and the Holy Spirit. My own selfishness and Satan's scheming keep me from ultimately paying attention to the last and most important one competing for my attention, the Holy Spirit. Truly, the Holy Spirit is the only One that matters among that group. The Holy Spirit is where all of my attention needs to be fixed upon.

So this week is basically about going around and visiting the different ministries that we will be apart of this summer. Tuesday we went to the Mobile Medical Clinic main location. We met the nurses and I got to see Mama Janine again. I think she remembered me because she started talking lots of French and pointing at me when I shook her hand. We visited a few other locations and got to see some medical stations, most of which are the best in Gabon. The ministries are truly blessed by the resources and land the Lord has given them. Today, Tuesday, we went to the Hope House Orphanage. For those of you who came last year, they live in a different house now. This house is bigger and better suites the needs of the ministry. We worked on building concrete columns so that a fence can go up around the facility. We also got to play with the children, and I loved seeing familiar faces. I am so excited that I will get to spend time there this summer, each week, building relationships with the different children.

We went to the open Market today, and it was not s insane as I remember. I am not sure why that is, but I am thankful for that. It was busy, we were called after, and we were stared at. I forgot all my manners( a necessity when in this market), and looked out for myself and my teammates. We'll be visiting there lots this summer.

The internet doesn't always work, so my plan is to type it up in a word document and then paste it onto my blog. This way I will be sure that I am writing about what is happening, and you lovely folks won't be missing any part of my summer. :)

Hello Gabon!

After more than thirty hours, we are finally here. If you want to include time changes we traveled for thirty-nine straight hours, and thirty-one if you think those time changes don't matter. But for me and the other interns, those time changes are very real as we jumped eight hours so very quickly. All the traveling is done and over with and here I sit typing at Tim and Meredith's home. I guess I can start calling it home now too, figuring I will be here for the next few months.

This is so surreal. I can't believe that I am back at the same spot I was last summer. I don't feel like this should be happening. As I stepped off the plane onto Gabon soil once again, emotions started flooding me. A sense of relief came as I looked around and realized that I am finally here. The preparations all paid off, training left me feeling more ready to embark on this journey, and we are here safely with ALL our luggage in tow. Excitement swept over me too as I will be able to spend my summer serving Jesus in this place that has grown so close to my heart. And finally, humility hit me. Jesus has been showing me so much about this. I like to serve, and I will tell you that, but when it comes down to it, I really only like serving when I want to or for things I know how to do. If I think that someone can do the task themselves, then I tell them that, and sometimes not int he nicest way. But I want to be known as a woman that is clothed in humility.

And I was reminded of all this in my quiet time on the plane today as I read out of Galatians 5:13 " You, my brothers and sister, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge in the sinful nature; rather,serve one another humbly in love."

I am humbled by the fact that God chooses to use me although He could quickly accomplish everything I will be doing for Him this summer with the snap of a finger. Also, I have some pretty amazing interns that I will be serving with. I can't wait.

For those who came lat year, Hannah (the intern) is here with a team from Crown College. She leaved tomorrow night so I won't get to hangout with her much. Pray for safe travels as they return to the States.

Also, here's what being an intern looks like this far: as soon as we were in the airport parking lot and our bags were loaded, we had to push start the car. That was our very first job as interns. Once it was started it couldn't be stopped, and I don't think Tim did on the way home at all. Just the first of many adventures I will experience this summer.

the time is here

The time is finally here. Tomorrow morning at 6.25, I will board a plane with nine other interns as we start our journey to Gabon, Africa. We fly to Philadelphia, then to Frankfort Germany, then to Gabon Africa, for a grand total of about 30 hours traveling. It seems so surreal, and we have been repeating the idea all day to one another to be reminded that this is actually happening. We have no idea what we are in for, but we are ready to see how God will use us and what He will do in us this summer. He is already doing amazing things in me, and I will be sure to blog about all of that when I have some more time on my hands. Here goes nothing...or everything.


This is for our lovely parents. We are still alive, and we are taking our Malaria medications. We are trying to be responsible and grown up. I'll let you know how that works out. :)

Expectations vs. Expectancy

As I try to write this with quiet fingers, my eyes are drowsy. It's been a long couple of days of training, but everything that I needed. Along with all the other interns serving overseas this summer, I participated in training in Ensenada, Mexico. During this training we bonded with other interns, imitated some short team scenerios and how to deal with others, and heard from speakers that truly let the Spirit speak through them. As much as I want to tell you all they said right now and how it is playing into what God is doing within at this time, that would take forever. I'll be sure to include those in other posts throughout my summer as those things occur. Try not be be too anxious, I promise they will come.

Now to the title of my blog, Expectations vs. Expectancy. As the time to get on the plane to Africa is quickly coming close, I find myself forfeiting my expectations and gaining expectancy. If I enter into this summer with a list of expectations and criteria to base what God did and how He moved, I will surely be disappointed. Because you see, God is already in Gabon. He has arrived long before I will even enter the airport. He has invited me to be apart of that, and if I enter in with a list of things I need to see and do in order to know God is working, I won't be happy. The God I serve is unpredictable. It would be insane for me to try to put Him in a box and tell him what I need to happen in order for me to know He is working. If I try to focus on specific ways that He is working, I might miss the ways that He is truly working. I may be looking for the big signs, all the meanwhile not hearing that still small voice inside calling out to me. So I don't have a list of criteria and I am expecting nothing. I know that God is working and that He will continue to do so this summer. He always is. It is my choice to be apart of it with an open-mind. With an expectant heart I have no agenda, time frame, or area that I need Him to work in. I sit at Jesus' feet surrendering myself to WHATEVER He has in store for me. After all, it is all about Him.

We have another day of training here in LA. Friday, most of the other interns head out to the parts of the world they are serving in. The Gabon team takes off early Saturday morning so we have an extra day to relax and to allow God to prepare us. I'll try to blog before we leave. Blogging everyday is not as easy as it sounds of as I would like it to be, so please bear with me.

Dad: I saw on my tracker that Lancaster visited not too long ago. It's after three at home so that means it was probably you checking when you got up. Good Morning!, and it is time for me to get some rest, finally.

I guess I'm an early riser.

If you know me, you realize that something isn't right with the title of today's post. And you are right, because I am NOT an early riser, I have never been, and hopefully this won't become a trend in my sleeping patterns. Drew, Nathan, and I left at 4:15 in the morning on Saturday to catch our 5:40 flight in Harrisburg. We flew to Philadelphia and then arrived safely in San Diego. We were tired to say the least. So tired in fact, that we stayed inside all day, took naps, watched tv, and mustered up enough strength to go get something to eat and take a 20 minute walk. So I think that our 20 minute walk evens out with our three naps, right? :) haha And then again, this morning, I found myself up at 5am. That's 8am at home, but still, that's not like me at all. I wasn't sure if it was nerves, excitement, or a mix of both. Realizing my eyes were not going to shut so I could catch three more hours left of sleep, I began to pray. My friend Mariah from Nyack, who is also interning in Gabon this summer, had her flight this morning. So, I prayed for her. By my time at 5, which was her time at 8, she should have been in Detroit to catch her connecting flight to San Diego to get here in time. The call at 5.42 told me otherwise. She was stuck on another runway because her it was too foggy to land in Detroit. We've exchanged multiple phone calls and texts this morning. There was a reason why I was up so early. To pray. She'll be meeting us a little later today, not on time, but she'll meet us.

As I write this, we are getting ready to head back to the airport to meet all the other interns and start our training. We have no idea what's in store for us. Pray for unity among our team, as these will be the people we are spending our summer with as we serve beside one another. Also, as we go through spiritual training, pray that Christ will make His home in our hearts.

Leaving

I'm ready, or I think I am. One bag is packed with the exception of some chargers and a beach towel that is being washed. The other is completely ready to go, we had to re-work some things to keep it within the weight limit. Mom, if you are reading this, THANK YOU. I know I've gotten on your nerves and pissed you off more than once while you were helping me pack. I could NOT have done it on my own. We aren't completely done yet, so let's hope we can get this last bag within 50 lbs. What use is shampoo and conditioner, anyway?

Along with the packing come the goodbyes. And of course, if you know me at all, you know that the tears come too. And the tears make my eyes are big and puffy and gross, so don't try taking a picture to remind yourself of me. I'll need lots of tissues. I've spent some time with each of my brothers and said goodbye. I still have my parents to say goodbye to, of course, and then a few more friends. Those will all happen tonite. Although I don't allergies, I might just be blaming the tears on them.

Thankfully, I'll have two awesome guys making this journey with me. We leave to catch our flight at 4:15AM tomorrow morning. We spend the day in San Diego and then training starts on Sunday. Here goes nothing!

Packing

So I leave very early Saturday morning. I probably should be packed by now, but I am not even close to being done. If I learned anything from college, it was how to procrastinate. That's exactly what I have been doing. And my parents would surely agree as my mom has been telling me to pack since last week and I am just finishing up some work with my dad. Today will be spent packing and running some last minute errands. My room is a wreck with everything that I think I will need for THREE months. I'd like to just skip over this packing part, but it doesn't work that way.
This is all starting to become more and more real. At times, it still feels like a dream that God would bless me with such an awesome way to spend my summer serving Him. I am sure that's how most of the summer will feel too. But this is real, and my parents' random tears and hugs along with the mounds of clothes on my bed are good reminders.

one week

I haven't updated in forever. If you visit regularly, please forgive me. But keep visiting because I will be updating much more frequently. And here's why...

In one week (yes, that's only seven days), my trip to Gabon, Africa, will begin. I will be interning with Tim & Meredith Brokopp. You can check them out here.

Meet Tim and Meredith :) I promise they actually don't hurt each other.

They will host several short term missions teams this summer, and connect them to the various ministries that the Gabonese have already started. Some of those ministries will include a Mobile Medical Clinic, the Hope House Orphanage, Bongolo Hospital, Church Planting in different Villages, and lots of other great ministries. As an intern, I will be helping to lead those wonderful teams.

As some of you know, I was on one of those short term teams last summer with others from my youth group at Lancaster Alliance Church. We were stretched outside of our comfort zone and emerged so quickly into a foreign culture. Saying we loved it would be an understatement. Our team quickly fell in with the people. And with tears in my eyes, I said goodbye. I had thoughts of returning, but I never thought in my wildest dreams that I actually would. Yet here I am, with only seven days left until I leave. In God's perfect plan, He knew I would return. Even in my moments of fear, doubt, and uncertainty, this is what God has placed before me this summer. I am following with no hesitation.

I didn't share too much about my trip last summer because this summer will be totally different. I have some ideas of what to expect because of last summer, but in the same regards I am absolutely clueless because three months is MUCH longer than 2 weeks (did I mention it was three months before?!?! I have a week of training in California/Mexico starting the 23rd, I arrive in Gabon May 28th and leave August 11th) . And I think I'm okay with being clueless in regards of what to expect. The last thing I want is for my expectations to get in the way of what God will do in me and through this summer.

If it seems like I didn't share many details, it's probably because I don't know much myself. I do know that this is what God has for me this summer and I am following with an open and willing heart to grow, serve, and love. So join me as I journal about my summer in Gabon and as I learn to open my heart to everything that God has for me.

headed home

So within the hour I will be on my way back to Lancaster. As much as I love Nyack, I am so excited and ready for this break. It will go by quickly, that's for sure. And at points, I don't think it will feel like a break at all. Regardless, I am so anxious to be home.

So here is a list of things that I am most excited for:

1. Turkey Hill's on almost every street corner and drink Turkey Hill Iced Tea.
2. My mother's wonderful home cooking.
3. To watch a sports game with my brother, Joel.
4. Central Market
5. Grocery shopping with my mommy
6. Lunch on Saturday with my oldest brother, Nathaniel.
7. Gaining from my daddy's wisdom :)
8. The Daycare Kids who make me laugh.
9. Reactions of people when they realize I got my nose pierced. ( hopefully my dad won't read this before I am home)
10. Lancaster Alliance Church.
11. Sleeping in my own bed
12. Access to a car
13. Spending all the time I can with Amber :)
14. Catching up with all those people who mean the most to me.
15. Family dinner on Sunday, and meeting my brother's new girlfriend.
16 A picnic lunch with Kelly, and maybe some Office.
17. Getting some things done for my summer internship in Gabon, Africa.
18. SPRING!
19. Telling people how much I love Nyack
20. Allowing myself to rest and relax, because life isn't moving any slower.

As I read all that it doesn't sound like I will be doing much relaxing. But, it will all be worth it :)

thankful for running water.

As I got in the shower the other day, the hot water quickly turned to ice. There was still shampoo in my hair and I was not about to get out. So as the water stayed cold, I started complaining to myself. I had a long day and I thought it perfectly normal to deserve some warm water to shower with. I mean, what's wrong with thinking I deserved the warmth of running water, right? After a few minutes of these complaints running through my head, I stopped. I was convicted. I had forgotten how truly blessed I am to even have running water to bathe with everyday. And not only to bathe with, but to drink, to cook with, and even to wash my clothes in.

With these thoughts came the image of a African women in a creek. It was the same African women that I saw last summer, doing laundry and dishes in the same area. Collecting water to cook with and showering in the same spot, in water that was far from clean, and didn't seem to be running at all. I lived like that for five days, with the exception that I did have clean water to drink.

Although I hate to admit this, I sometimes forget what living like that was like. I still remember it, but I do not have the same mindset as I did experiencing it all. I often get caught up in the way that I live now, with comforts surrounding me everywhere I look. But you see, the way that we live is not the normal for everyone. In fact, it is greatly different. I am blessed to simply have running water to shower in, even when it is freezing cold.

Father,
Forgive me for the simplicities I take for granted. Remind me of how blessed I am. And grant me awareness of how others live, that I may never forget I deserve nothing.

starter.maintainer.finsher.

Lately, I have been resting in first 4 words of Genesis:

"In the beginning God..."

That's all. Just those words. They speak such peace and comfort into my life. You see, there was only God in the beginning. He started it off.

When I find myself starting a new relationship, often I have to maintain it. Or if I start a group project, I somehow become the group leader. And if I initiate those things, I often have be the one that ends them. Sometimes that means ending the relationship, or the one who keeps everyone on task to finish the project. Starting something can be tiring. And if you are the starter, you will most likely be the maintainer and the finisher as well.

But not this time. Those first 4 words tell it all. We know that He was in the beginning, and those words prepare us for what God is going to initiate. Therefore, He started it all off. We did nothing. Throughout the Hebrew Scriptures God called people by name. He initiated the relationships, the people did not. And God maintains them by guiding them and loving them, just as He does with me. Granted, while God maintains everything, I still have my part. I don't just sit and twiddle my thumbs. I love Him back. I love because He first loved me (1 John 4:19). And when my time goes to an end, He will end it, not me.

According to Philippians 1:6, I didn't start it, I don't maintain it, and I won't finish it.

"He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

community

After a long tiresome day full of classes, cafeteria food, walks that took me clear across campus, and laughs with friends, I am finally home. And when I say home, I mean back to my dorm room. My room, the people, and this campus all feel like home. No mistake about it. Honestly, that thought is still a little strange for me.

The thing about Nyack that makes me feel so at home is the sense of community. Community with my peers in classes, my group of friends, the Education department, my hall full of girls, the people who sit at the same table as me at meals, and anyone else I run into. I am amazed God shows us what community means even before he created Eve to be with Adam. Within the Trinity, we see community. Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. The trinity demonstrates for us what community is to look like: love.

The thing about it is, we are all different. We have different backgrounds, upbringings, interests, friends, majors, and views. Yet with all those differences, we have one thing in common, Jesus. Sometimes all those other things can get in the way but the truth about it is, when we push away all those things along with ourselves, only Jesus remains. He is the only good in any of us. It is because of Him that we are all on the campus and follow after what he has taught us about community. While we are all here for different things, we desire for one thing, that Christ be glorified in and through everything we do. As Christians, we will always be apart of community, but my time as part of the Nyack community is limited to 4 years. That seems like a long time now, but I am sure it will fly by so quickly ( it already is).

Right now, I appreciate the community that I find myself in and desire to gain as much from it as possible and to learn from my peers, professors, and those who surround me. All different, we are more alike than we think.

When I think about community, I Corinthians 12 comes to mind as it talks about the Body of Christ. While that is too long of a passage to post, here are verses 12-13:

The body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form one body. So it is with Christ. For we were all baptized by one Spirit into one body—whether Jews or Greeks, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink.

change.

When thinking on the subject of change, I would like to think that I am unbiased to it. Meaning, that when change does come my way ( and I find it visiting much more often than I remember from my earlier years) I embrace it, whatever IT may be. I don't dread it like I would say my brother does, and I don't go looking for it. It has no trouble finding me.

As church ended today we were left with a charge of change, positive change that brings growth. So I find myself ready to embrace change in order that I may to transformed more to the likeness of Christ. Honestly, I am ready for change now, ready to get out of this place that it seems I am stuck in. To move forward from the place I stand now, and grow.

Growth is the only evidence of life. ~John Henry Newman

And the change I am so desperately longing for is not a change of hairstyle, a change of laundry detergent, or a change of clothes. I desire change that starts from the inmost of my being, change that is initiated and completed only by the works of the Holy Spirit. And my prayer for this season of change is this,

Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
-Psalm 51: 10-12

With this new spirit within me, and a new attitude, change will come. And even as I have been typing this, simple ways of change have entered into my mind. One of those being to listen more than I speak. This will require silence, something that does not go along with who I am, or should I say the person I am now, before the change. So here I am, with ears that are ready and willing to listen, to whatever the person across the phone is talking, to what the person on the bench next to me is sharing, and to the words that God is constantly whispering to me.

leaving my boat.

Currently, I am reading through the gospels. Today, I read in chapter 4 of Matthew as Jesus called His first disciples. It seems so simple, He called them, and they followed.

"They (Simon Peter and Andrew) were casting a net into the lake, for they were fishermen. 'Come, follow me,' Jesus said, ' and I will send you out to fish for people.' At once they left their nets and followed him." - Matthew 4: 19-20

Simple, right? But putting myself in that same situation, I imagine it much more difficult for me. So there I am, comfortable in my boat as I watch the waves gently move, with a bottle of ice tea in hand, in the midst of my everyday job. Just like any other day, I am working with my brother. Concentrating, I cast my net out so it can be filled with fish. But, while doing this, I hear someone calling me, so I listen. He tells me to follow him. And this is where my story is different. I am working, trying to earn a living, and he wants me to just follow Him? He expects me to leave my boat, all I have ever known, my job and source of income, life as I know it, my family (as James and John do in vs 22), my everything, to become a fisher of people? Thinking He doesn't know what He is asking, I tell him that I am very busy, but instead of completely shutting him out, I use the manners my mother taught me and invite him into MY boat.

Sadly, I often find myself inviting Jesus into my boat. I invite Him in when I decide I can't talk to the girl who I pass everyday, when I blatantly disobey my parents, when I become impatient and lose my temper when talking to my brother, and when I can't find the time to do the simplest of things for others.

I hear Jesus calling me everyday to leave my boat and follow Him. Some days I am better at leaving than others. Daily, even momentarily, I find myself with the choice to invite Him in and be comfortable, or to stand up, leave my boat and everything it means, and to follow His lead. The alternate ending to my story (I prefer this one) is just that. I leave my boat 'at once' and follow the path that Jesus leads me on.

the start of something

So here I sit, at Panera Bread, creating my blog. This blog will be used as I share who I am, what I'm going through, and where I find myself. This is me.