I have no idea what I want to do with my life. Actually, that's a lie. I do know what I want to do. I just want to love on people. I want to have craft days with people,start book clubs, and have tons and tons of tea parties.I sound like an old women, geez. And while I am doing these things, I want laughter to fill the rooms, I want smiles on our faces, and I want the love of Christ to be undeniably present. That's what I want.
Most days I wish I could get a degree for loving on people. For this degree, you would take classes and learn how to be selfless, how to speak to people using their love languages, and how to get to know the hearts of people. If only.
Currently, my major is Social Work. I recently switched from Education. I am not sure I am done adding to my major, there may be one final thing to do until I am at peace. Please don't ask me what I want to do with my major, because like I said before, I have no idea what I am doing with my life.i have no five year plan. And to be honest, I am more comfortable with that thought everyday. It's beautiful to be in the place of the unknown. It leaves me looking to God for guidance and leading. It fosters reliance of God, a life in the Spirit, and a season of growth. At first, the thought is terrifying. But when I really think about, I am overwhelmed by peace. If I knew where I was going, I'd surely mess it up, I would probably try to tweak it and change it, and in the end, it would be disastrous. God leads as he sees fit, and most days I am thankful that I do not know. Let's be honest, if I did know it wouldn't be any fun. I'd feel like I do when I know the ending to a movie I've been dying to see, or the feeling I get when I ruin a book for myself and read the last chapter first. The stories are never interesting when you know what is to come. The interesting ones are those that leave you on the edge of your seat, waiting in anticipation for the unknown to become the reality. That's how I want my life to be. I want to always be on the edge of my seat, waiting with joy to see where God leads me next.
For the rare occasion that I do desire to know what's coming next, that I wish I could fast forward a few scenes ahead, or to skip a few chapters, I remind myself of Abram. We read about this in the first few verses of Genesis 12. you should go ahead and read all of Abram's (who later becomes Abraham) story. I just want to point out the beginning.
1 The LORD had said to Abram, “Go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land I will show you.
2 “I will make you into a great nation,
and I will bless you;
I will make your name great,
and you will be a blessing.[a]
3 I will bless those who bless you,
and whoever curses you I will curse;
and all peoples on earth
will be blessed through you.”[b]
4 So Abram went, as the LORD had told him; and Lot went with him. Abram was seventy-five years old when he set out from Harran. 5 He took his wife Sarai, his nephew Lot, all the possessions they had accumulated and the people they had acquired in Harran, and they set out for the land of Canaan, and they arrived there.
Catch that? In verse 1 God calls Abram to leave his country and his people to the land God will show him. Say what? God makes a promise next, but no where in this promise does it say where He is leading Abram and his family. He simply tells him to pack and go with just a promise to hold onto. No five year plan and no direction of where to go. God simply says go. Abram, being the man he is, does just that. He packs up all he has, his family and possessions, and starts to go with no sense of where it is that he is going. Verse 4 says "he went as the Lord had told him". That's all. He went as the Lord had told him. It's as simple as that.
I want it to be that simple in my life. Thankfully, it can be. It is that easy when I focus on God and where he has me. So I will lead as shows me, with the promise that He never leaves nor forsakes me. I'm on the edge of my seat, waiting with great anticipation to see what my Lord will lay before me next.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
Memories
Do you ever have memories that haunt you? Maybe haunt isn't the right word, maybe it is. I've been reflecting on some memories lately. They're good memories, the ones that are changing me more into the person that God calls me to be. But these memories aren't just memories. No, they are so much more. Theses specific ones are experiences that are changing the way I think, changing the way I desire to live, and that constantly tug on my heart. The memories are from images I saw this past summer in Gabon, Africa. I have memories that I playback like videos I can rewind and watch again until my heart is content.
There are so many, and I have mental pictures stored of them all. One picture is of bloated bellies. It saddens my heart to think of them, especially whenever I sit down to a meal, or when someone carelessly let's the words "I'm starving" run out of their mouth. It takes all I have to not go off on them and remind them they have no idea what that even means. When I see this memory I become much more thankful for the food that fills my stomach that is so easily taken for granted. I want to do so much more than be thankful, so I pray for more situations and opportunities to feed the hungry.
Another image is of a man walking around the center of town with nothing but a shirt on. This one haunts me. It haunts me because we looked into each others eyes. He needed clothes, and I didn't clothe him. I beat myself up about it all the time. It was clear what Jesus would have done in that situation, simply clothe the man. I can't tell you why I didn't. I might have wanted to avoid the awkwardness of the situation, of having all eyes on me as I approached him, of trying to explain in French what I was doing, or maybe it was because I made excuses of how my clothes wouldn't fit him, or I didn't have anything to give. But those are all false. I know that I had a pair of extra sports shorts, and they surely would have fit him as he was much skinner than I. I'll never forget what that man looks like. I couldn't if I tried. As I didn't clothe him, my prayer has been that someone will be different than I an step out to do it, and that God will continue to provide me with opportunities to clothe the naked.
The previous memories aren't so happy. But I have lots of happy ones that always run through my mind. One of them is the day that the other interns and I were at the Hope House Orphanage singing, dancing, and making fools of ourselves with the children. It was such a joyous time. The songs and smiles are engraved in my memory, and tears fill my eyes as I can see them dancing before me, trying to make up the words in English and mumble the tune along with us. We were cramped on the porch with ten interns and twenty some kids, a guitar, and an ice cooler as a drum. It was beautiful. It would be silly for me not to let these moments change me. So when I begin to think of them, I am thankful for where I am and what God is doing in my life, being mindful that I can't go back to the person I was before these memories, nor do I want to.
There are so many, and I have mental pictures stored of them all. One picture is of bloated bellies. It saddens my heart to think of them, especially whenever I sit down to a meal, or when someone carelessly let's the words "I'm starving" run out of their mouth. It takes all I have to not go off on them and remind them they have no idea what that even means. When I see this memory I become much more thankful for the food that fills my stomach that is so easily taken for granted. I want to do so much more than be thankful, so I pray for more situations and opportunities to feed the hungry.
Another image is of a man walking around the center of town with nothing but a shirt on. This one haunts me. It haunts me because we looked into each others eyes. He needed clothes, and I didn't clothe him. I beat myself up about it all the time. It was clear what Jesus would have done in that situation, simply clothe the man. I can't tell you why I didn't. I might have wanted to avoid the awkwardness of the situation, of having all eyes on me as I approached him, of trying to explain in French what I was doing, or maybe it was because I made excuses of how my clothes wouldn't fit him, or I didn't have anything to give. But those are all false. I know that I had a pair of extra sports shorts, and they surely would have fit him as he was much skinner than I. I'll never forget what that man looks like. I couldn't if I tried. As I didn't clothe him, my prayer has been that someone will be different than I an step out to do it, and that God will continue to provide me with opportunities to clothe the naked.
The previous memories aren't so happy. But I have lots of happy ones that always run through my mind. One of them is the day that the other interns and I were at the Hope House Orphanage singing, dancing, and making fools of ourselves with the children. It was such a joyous time. The songs and smiles are engraved in my memory, and tears fill my eyes as I can see them dancing before me, trying to make up the words in English and mumble the tune along with us. We were cramped on the porch with ten interns and twenty some kids, a guitar, and an ice cooler as a drum. It was beautiful. It would be silly for me not to let these moments change me. So when I begin to think of them, I am thankful for where I am and what God is doing in my life, being mindful that I can't go back to the person I was before these memories, nor do I want to.
Monday, October 11, 2010
time
Clearly, I have not updated in a very long time. It's been too long if you ask me. And the thing about time these days is that there never seems to be enough of it. Never enough time to talk to all the people that I love, to get ahead on the thousands of assignments, to read all the blogs I wish I could, to taste all the tea at the coffee shop, to wash my laundry (don't tell my mom), to mail the encouragement letter that I've been meaning to for the past three weeks, to listen to the music that had once graced my ears, or to make a visit home.
I stink at prioritizing. Returning from my summer, that's something I've been working on. Giving priority to those things that matter, and leaving the things that don't for a day when I have lots of spare time. Sometimes I succeed, and other days I seem to accomplish nothing. Regardless of how I spend my days, whether productive or not, I find myself making comments that speak of how fast time passes.
Tonight in my class, my professor mentioned something about these comments. He spoke about how amazing it was that we have the ability to realize that time passes so quickly. The fact that we realize that we don't have enough time for everything and that the balance of it isn't always right in our lives, proves that we were created for something greater. We were created for eternity, where there will be no time to keep track of and where I won't have a checklist of things I need to get done in 24 hours.
It's true. If we were supposed to be alright with it, then we wouldn't be questioning time, or complaining how there isn't enough of it. Think of it this way, I doubt that a fish speaks about wetness of water. That's all it knows. A fish was created to live in the water so it doesn't ask questions. I wasn't created for this Earth, I was created for Eternity. I've been reminded of that truth tons lately. It seems to be lesson I'm learning everyday. I like learning this, because it reminds me that I was created for something greater than this world. This old world, is not my home, nor will it ever be.
I stink at prioritizing. Returning from my summer, that's something I've been working on. Giving priority to those things that matter, and leaving the things that don't for a day when I have lots of spare time. Sometimes I succeed, and other days I seem to accomplish nothing. Regardless of how I spend my days, whether productive or not, I find myself making comments that speak of how fast time passes.
Tonight in my class, my professor mentioned something about these comments. He spoke about how amazing it was that we have the ability to realize that time passes so quickly. The fact that we realize that we don't have enough time for everything and that the balance of it isn't always right in our lives, proves that we were created for something greater. We were created for eternity, where there will be no time to keep track of and where I won't have a checklist of things I need to get done in 24 hours.
It's true. If we were supposed to be alright with it, then we wouldn't be questioning time, or complaining how there isn't enough of it. Think of it this way, I doubt that a fish speaks about wetness of water. That's all it knows. A fish was created to live in the water so it doesn't ask questions. I wasn't created for this Earth, I was created for Eternity. I've been reminded of that truth tons lately. It seems to be lesson I'm learning everyday. I like learning this, because it reminds me that I was created for something greater than this world. This old world, is not my home, nor will it ever be.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
a new look
I had this great idea to update more often upon arriving home. I figured since internet would be better, I would be better at blogging. Turns out, my blogging patterns have nothing to do with the internet. Just a warning, don’t believe that lie next time I tell it.
If you are one of the two people I know that regularly check my Blog (Amber & Dad), then you’ve probably noticed these few new changes right away. No worries, I promise it’s the same Bethy, but with a different setup. Don't panic Dad.
If you are one of the two people I know that regularly check my Blog (Amber & Dad), then you’ve probably noticed these few new changes right away. No worries, I promise it’s the same Bethy, but with a different setup. Don't panic Dad.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
this doesn't seem real
I knew this day would come eventually. It's here, and I don't like it very much. In just about an hour I'll be leaving for the airport to catch my flight back to the States. It's strange to think about really, but this feels like home. It's as if I am only going to be in the States for a few months and return. I wish that was the case. I've been here for just under three months so saying goodbyes hasn't been the easiest. Don't get me wrong, I am SO excited to be home and see all the faces that I've missed this summer. I just don't want to leave the faces here behind. Leaving them here would be impossible after the imprints they've placed on my heart this summer.
I forget what home in the States is like, but I'm coming! :)
I forget what home in the States is like, but I'm coming! :)
Thursday, July 29, 2010
obedience
I wish obeying was as easy as brushing teeth. It's not.
I've just finished reading through Matthew, and I've taken some obedience lessons from Jesus. He makes it seem so simple by never disobeying; if only it was.
He gets baptized by his cousin John to "fulfill all righteousness"(Matt 3:15), and as he rises from the water a voice from heaven said "'This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased'" (Matt 3:17) Please note that God the Father was not just pleased, but He was well pleased. Immediately after he was baptized, Jesus was tested in the wilderness. I find it interesting that scripture says that he was "led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil"(Matthew 4:1) Let me be honest, I would never willingly go into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil, would you?! Jesus then proceeds to fast for forty days and forty nights before being tempted by Satan. Still, being secluded and without food, Jesus obeys as he is tempted. Jesus knows that in Deut. 6:13, we are told to " Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only." Jesus does just that as he resists the temptations that are presented before him while reciting scripture. Jesus knew that it He could not try to be obedient by his own strength, but instead used the teachings and the Spirit to guide him as he fought to be obedient. I could continue through all of Matthew and follow how Jesus was obedient, but instead I'll share a song that I believes sums it up pretty well. It's by Brian and Jenn Johnson, and it's called 'Where You Go I Go"
Where You go I go
What You say I say
And what You pray I pray
And what You pray I pray
Where You go I go
What You say I say God
And what You pray I pray
Cause Jesus only did what He saw You do
And He would only say what He heard You speak
And He would only move when He felt You lead
Following Your heart following Your Spirit
So how could I expect to walk without You
When every made that Jesus made was in surrender
I will not begin to live without You
For You alone are worthy and You alone are good
I think it's quite obvious that Jesus only did what God led him to do. John 5:19-20 reads, "Very truly I tell you, the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does. For the Father loves the Son and him all he does. Yes, and he will show him even greater works than these, so that you will be amazed." Just think about that verse aligned with everything Jesus did. It's pretty insane to think about putting that in practice and living it out in my everyday life. It means total surrender of my life, more specifically my time, money, relationships, words, thoughts, and so much more. It means not second guessing, but faithfully following God, knowing that obedience could very well lead me to a situation like Jesus with the cross. It could end ugly.
I believe a broader picture is placed on practicing obedience, as in aiming and planning to practice obedience in the future, not in the here and the now. When I start trying to plan, I miss the opportunities to surrender, obey, and follow His will today.
I want to leave you with a passage that continually intrigues me. The passage is Matthew 26:36-46 and takes place in the Garden of Gethsemane. Jesus goes with his disciples, and once there, distances himself to pray, asking that they do they same and keep watch. Jesus' heart was heavy, " Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, 'My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will'"(Matt. 26: 39). He not only prays this once, but again saying, "My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it,may your will be done"(Matt. 26:42). I believe that this is quite possibly the most beautiful thing that I have ever read. You see, it is clear that Jesus was asking that what was about to be done to him be removed from his future. He would have rather something else. Ultimately, living a complete life of obedience, Jesus followed God's will. It lead him to the cross.
All I can do is live today by choosing God's will for my life and surrendering my own. I don't know what He has planned for my life, but today I am choosing to obey His plans, His words, and His will rather than my own.
As I am to live obediently each day, this is what I'll cling to:
Matthew 22: 37-39 "' Love the Lord your God with all you heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself.'"
This is only the beginning.
I've just finished reading through Matthew, and I've taken some obedience lessons from Jesus. He makes it seem so simple by never disobeying; if only it was.
He gets baptized by his cousin John to "fulfill all righteousness"(Matt 3:15), and as he rises from the water a voice from heaven said "'This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased'" (Matt 3:17) Please note that God the Father was not just pleased, but He was well pleased. Immediately after he was baptized, Jesus was tested in the wilderness. I find it interesting that scripture says that he was "led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil"(Matthew 4:1) Let me be honest, I would never willingly go into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil, would you?! Jesus then proceeds to fast for forty days and forty nights before being tempted by Satan. Still, being secluded and without food, Jesus obeys as he is tempted. Jesus knows that in Deut. 6:13, we are told to " Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only." Jesus does just that as he resists the temptations that are presented before him while reciting scripture. Jesus knew that it He could not try to be obedient by his own strength, but instead used the teachings and the Spirit to guide him as he fought to be obedient. I could continue through all of Matthew and follow how Jesus was obedient, but instead I'll share a song that I believes sums it up pretty well. It's by Brian and Jenn Johnson, and it's called 'Where You Go I Go"
Where You go I go
What You say I say
And what You pray I pray
And what You pray I pray
Where You go I go
What You say I say God
And what You pray I pray
Cause Jesus only did what He saw You do
And He would only say what He heard You speak
And He would only move when He felt You lead
Following Your heart following Your Spirit
So how could I expect to walk without You
When every made that Jesus made was in surrender
I will not begin to live without You
For You alone are worthy and You alone are good
I think it's quite obvious that Jesus only did what God led him to do. John 5:19-20 reads, "Very truly I tell you, the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does. For the Father loves the Son and him all he does. Yes, and he will show him even greater works than these, so that you will be amazed." Just think about that verse aligned with everything Jesus did. It's pretty insane to think about putting that in practice and living it out in my everyday life. It means total surrender of my life, more specifically my time, money, relationships, words, thoughts, and so much more. It means not second guessing, but faithfully following God, knowing that obedience could very well lead me to a situation like Jesus with the cross. It could end ugly.
I believe a broader picture is placed on practicing obedience, as in aiming and planning to practice obedience in the future, not in the here and the now. When I start trying to plan, I miss the opportunities to surrender, obey, and follow His will today.
I want to leave you with a passage that continually intrigues me. The passage is Matthew 26:36-46 and takes place in the Garden of Gethsemane. Jesus goes with his disciples, and once there, distances himself to pray, asking that they do they same and keep watch. Jesus' heart was heavy, " Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, 'My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will'"(Matt. 26: 39). He not only prays this once, but again saying, "My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it,may your will be done"(Matt. 26:42). I believe that this is quite possibly the most beautiful thing that I have ever read. You see, it is clear that Jesus was asking that what was about to be done to him be removed from his future. He would have rather something else. Ultimately, living a complete life of obedience, Jesus followed God's will. It lead him to the cross.
All I can do is live today by choosing God's will for my life and surrendering my own. I don't know what He has planned for my life, but today I am choosing to obey His plans, His words, and His will rather than my own.
As I am to live obediently each day, this is what I'll cling to:
Matthew 22: 37-39 "' Love the Lord your God with all you heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself.'"
This is only the beginning.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Jungle Gibberish
The Gabonese are beautiful. I'm been consumed with that thought lately. I hope that doesn't sound creepy because it's not intended to be. It's just me realizing that everyone is created in the same image of our God. It's a wonderful and insane thought at the same time. It's not only their faces that are beautiful, but their hospitality, openness, and sincerity. Lately, I've been gathering all the memories of faces I can and taking tons of mental pictures. Yes, I'm taking real pictures too, but somehow all the pictures I'm taking don't seem to express or capture exactly what I'm experiencing.
With that thought, I have also been reminded that God longs for their hearts. It's as if He has been whispering into my ear saying, “They're mine”. God desires their hearts just as He desired and still desires mine. He wants their lives to sing of His glory. He wants their words to speak His truth. He wants their hearts to be His home. And He won't relent until he has it ALL.
No one is beyond redemption. Christ died for us all. He desires us all the same. He pursues, he chases, and he never relents.
I can't tell you how much the above thoughts have been on my mind recently. It's a beautiful thing that we are all on the same playing field and Christ desires us all the same. It's even more beautiful that he wants us in our brokenness, just as we are. It blows my mind.
Currently, I am in Bongolo. A group of fourteen of us made the twelve hour trip on Tuesday. With only two flat tires on the vehicles and the trunk popping open while driving speedily on a dirt road, we made it here safely. We are doing work projects for the Hospital in the morning and hanging out in the afternoons. Some of the girls went into the nearest town today, La Bamba. I still don't believe that I am in Africa most days as it seems unreal and impossible. Walking in the African village today just didn't seem real so I had to stop and pinch myself. I have times when I experience that reality but then in the next moment it seems as though I have been here forever, and that I could continue this forever.
However, I won't be staying here forever (not this time at least). Home is getting closer, and I am not liking the idea of leaving any more as it gets closer. I'm overwhelmed by the thought that I'll have to leave all the beautiful faces and this lifestyle in just about three weeks. I try not to think about that often.
As I'm typing this, I hear the beautiful sound of my brothers and sisters singing out praise to our Father. This is a common occurrence amongst our family and it's the simple things like this that I won't be able to get enough of in the coming weeks. I'm soaking in every moment and I can't wait to share once I return. Granted, it might take a while to get out and it might not come quick enough as some of you would like, but it will come. So be ready to bear with me. :)
With that thought, I have also been reminded that God longs for their hearts. It's as if He has been whispering into my ear saying, “They're mine”. God desires their hearts just as He desired and still desires mine. He wants their lives to sing of His glory. He wants their words to speak His truth. He wants their hearts to be His home. And He won't relent until he has it ALL.
No one is beyond redemption. Christ died for us all. He desires us all the same. He pursues, he chases, and he never relents.
I can't tell you how much the above thoughts have been on my mind recently. It's a beautiful thing that we are all on the same playing field and Christ desires us all the same. It's even more beautiful that he wants us in our brokenness, just as we are. It blows my mind.
Currently, I am in Bongolo. A group of fourteen of us made the twelve hour trip on Tuesday. With only two flat tires on the vehicles and the trunk popping open while driving speedily on a dirt road, we made it here safely. We are doing work projects for the Hospital in the morning and hanging out in the afternoons. Some of the girls went into the nearest town today, La Bamba. I still don't believe that I am in Africa most days as it seems unreal and impossible. Walking in the African village today just didn't seem real so I had to stop and pinch myself. I have times when I experience that reality but then in the next moment it seems as though I have been here forever, and that I could continue this forever.
However, I won't be staying here forever (not this time at least). Home is getting closer, and I am not liking the idea of leaving any more as it gets closer. I'm overwhelmed by the thought that I'll have to leave all the beautiful faces and this lifestyle in just about three weeks. I try not to think about that often.
As I'm typing this, I hear the beautiful sound of my brothers and sisters singing out praise to our Father. This is a common occurrence amongst our family and it's the simple things like this that I won't be able to get enough of in the coming weeks. I'm soaking in every moment and I can't wait to share once I return. Granted, it might take a while to get out and it might not come quick enough as some of you would like, but it will come. So be ready to bear with me. :)
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